Episode 175: Black Friday Mistakes, Resistance, PTSD, ADHD, and The Mental Health Process

Yeah, let’s just get into this….

Transcript:

Oh, yeah. Okay. Hi there. Let me tell you this week. Oh, my gosh.

It's not even going well. I didn't make time at all to record a podcast, and I don't even know what this action is. It's just it's is an accent when Sarah feels like a little goofy and she comes in here and it almost sounds kind of like Bobby's world, but it's awful, and I'm losing it. I don't think I'm going to be able to hold onto it for much longer. It's kind of going into another voice.

Yeah. No, we lost it. Hi. I'm Sarah, and I'm pretty much always this weird on the podcast, but you're listening to episode 175, and you're probably here either because the podcast algorithm just kind of shove this in your face as the next episode, or you've been listening to me for a while, and you really don't know why, but sometimes things jive with you and you're still here. Thank you.

I appreciate you. This week's episode. I literally have not planned it at all. I literally just turned on my microphone and said, let's just talk to the people and tell them what's going on. And maybe there will be some kind of structure that ends up overtaking this experience.

But probably not. It's probably going to be a ramble. And I'm sorry, but maybe there'll be some kind of life lesson or tangible thing you can walk away with. Usually there is. Right.

Hopefully. I don't know. This week has been nuts. I did not make or get a chance to record a podcast episode. It's Thursday night, and here we are.

I like to get them out on Monday, but, you know, stuff happens. The majority of the week has been spent crafting my Black Friday idea, which I think I'll probably do a recap about it at some point. It's either going to go great and better than I expect, or it's going to be another crazy business experiment that fails that I can tell you about later. But the way that I've been kind of experimenting with Black Friday over the years is that I throw spaghetti at the wall.

I see what sticks.

And it's kind of the one time in my business where I give myself full permission to just be like, you want to see if this works. You think you have a good idea of what your audience wants? Let's just try it. I have not yet had what I consider a very successful Black Friday, and I learned last year that my big mistake was trying to make an offer that was just very expensive, right? It was a huge bundle of, like, everything ever.

And people didn't want to spend that much on Black Friday, and I get it. I don't either. I like to spend, like, no more than $200 on something on Black Friday. And if I don't feel like it's a crazy deal that I can't possibly bypass, then I'm all game so we're trying something new this year where I am offering a big amount, of course, credit for a little amount of money. And I'm trying something new where the price is going to increase as people buy.

So there's going to be different sections. I use thrivecart. And basically the way I set it up is there's going to be different sections inside of thrivecart, where people can choose a price point that they want. And after so many of those are called for captured snagged up, whatever. Then that will become unavailable, and then it will move on to the next pricing tier.

So basically it's kind of like you want to get there early if you want the best price, and then I am going to stop it once it gets to a certain number. So I'm curious to see how it goes. It's an incredible deal. I'm really excited about it because who doesn't love basically, you're buying a coupon for access to all of my programs at a discounted rate. So we'll see how that goes.

The other thing that's been on my mind lately is I've been thinking a lot about where resistance plays a role in my life and in my business. And what I mean is actually found this quote, I don't have it in front of me. I found this conversation. I'm inside of a Huga Facebook group, and basically it's just all things cozy and people talk about what that means to them. And I've actually found it very, very lovely.

And I appreciate that they do their best to be an inclusive space, and people seem to be aware of their privilege and all of that. So I like that there's that dynamic in there. It's not just, like, completely distancing yourself from everything and finding happiness. It's also like, how can we find happiness and also make the world a better place? Anyway, there was this conversation going on in there recently about resistance, and this woman said something about how she noticed a lot of resistance coming up in her life to literally everything and how she's found a lot more peace now that she's just allowing herself to go with the flow more.

And I really was thinking about this and it kind of just hit me at the right time. You hear different things at different chapters points in your life, times of day, and they either piss you off and you want to rebel against them or they happened to make sense. And you're like, yeah, no, that really resonates with me. And that's how this one caught me because I was thinking about all these different things that are going on in my life currently a lot of family stuff and also, like, little things.

We recently found a lump in Bella's chest, my Bulldog, and so we had to take her in and get, like, a needle biopsy.

We're still waiting on results. I really hope it's just like a fatty lump and that it's fine. There's no other symptoms with her, but you just don't know, right? So you get it tested. And I was getting so worked up in my head about, like, oh, I can't believe this is happening.

Of course it's happening. And she had to be sedated for them to do it, which if you have a pet, that just sucks, right? It sucks when you bring them home. And it's like a nightmare, at least with us for a few days, like, she has trouble going potty and all this stuff. It's just a big mess.

And so it causes a lot of stress. And I remember just feeling like, of course, and I created so much resistance around this. Like, why is this happening to me? This is just one more thing on top of everything else. How am I going to get through this?

And then I was kind of thinking about resistance and how there's always going to be things. I think I literally said this an episode back, but there's always going to be issues, right? And so you get to decide how much additional resistance you want to put in front of something. And so I've really been thinking about it. And I'm like, coming back to what can you control, right?

I can't control the outcome of what this biopsy might reveal. I can't control that Bella has a hard time after she's sedated. But what I can control is the level of patience that I try to have with her, realizing that the constant diarrhea afterwards and all this is obviously not her fault. It's such a pain to have to wipe her butt every time she comes in and all this stuff. Sorry for all the details, but that is what it is.

But I can get through it. And these things are not permanent, right? Like, there are moments when you've had very little sleep and you're trying to just get through the day and everything on your plate, and all you really want is like a full day with no distractions to work or do whatever you want. And it's not happening in that moment. And I just have been trying to kind of reframe more things, right?

Like this past what I call year, which has really been two since the Panini started. There's just been so much that's been outside of our control.

It's like surrendering to what you can't control and just not creating more suffering and agony for yourself. And then putting that effort and time into things that you can control again. This is not a new idea, but it's just something I've really been thinking about. I can put more effort into going on more walks and taking breaks where I can and keeping my office organized and decorating for Christmas early, because it is so dark here. I feel like it gets dark at, like, 345.

But there are things that we can do to make life a little better. And that's just been changing everything lately. So again, not a new idea, but maybe something that you needed to hear. The other thing I've really been struggling with is my mental health and mental wellbeing, and I know I've talked about in the past, like my episodes of depression and how crippling that has been. I recently was diagnosed with PTSD, which is a whole other thing.

And then there's, like, a whole healing process within that, right. And I don't know how much I'm going to be talking about it. I don't know what feels comfortable yet I obviously feel comfortable sharing that much information, but it's just really made me realize that I am in a huge recovery state right now, and the amount of limited access that I have to my brain at a given time is monumentally debilitating at times. And it's so hard to explain. And I think that's why it's frustrating, because there are times when I just do not have access to my creative brain or I literally get stuck.

I cannot seem to take action, get stuck in this paralysis mentally in my head of, well, what would I possibly start on first? And there's still a lot of different things that I'm going to be looking at with my I'm calling them my support team, my counselors and such. But a lot of these things that I've been experiencing overlap with ADHD. So while that's still something that I'm exploring and we're looking into, there's definitely a lot of symptoms that I've been experiencing from PTSD that mimic ADHD, so I really can understand, just like I've been in this space of constantly, like, hyper vigilance can look a lot like hyper focus.

There's a lot of places where I cannot or I cannot focus or things get overly distracting lights, sounds, all those kinds of things.

And I was on this little walk outside the other day with Bella, and I was just having this moment where I was really kind of acknowledging because you get a diagnosis or you actually finally have someone hold space that you need for yourself. And once you finally define something, that's when I finally have given myself full permission to really take a deep look at the ways in which, and I hate to say, not normal, because I don't think there is a normal per se, but the ways in which my life have not been, like, true to Sarah, right?

Like, true to how I really feel as a human being or what I find is regulatory in myself and my experience. And I was really realizing kind of just reflecting back, like, wow, you kind of just go through stuff in your life and you end up in this place where I'm still functioning. I'm still functional.

But there's a lot of things in my life that have been suffering or have been not where I prefer them to be. Right. And I don't think we can thrive every second of every day, right? That's not my goal. My goal is not to be some 1000% perfect version of myself at any given time.

I think there's going to be ebbs and flows and times when you're just in a low, dark place and then other times when you're not and it's just, how do you manage it? How do you get through it? How do you get through? So those lows are not as deep and those highs maybe aren't as high? I don't know where you find that homeostasis.

And I was just reflecting back on things I used to do and how I really took for granted all these moments, even in my business a few years ago, where this wasn't as bad, because right now, what we're trying to figure out is how long have I been experiencing PTSD? How long has this been going on? Has it been an undercurrent for quite a long time? Is that really what caused the depression? All these kinds of things, right?

It really goes back. You can tell that there's many things that I have not fully been able to process and get support for for a variety of reasons. But anyway, regardless, I really realized I'm like, oh, my gosh. I took for granted so much how nice it is to have your mental health people that are experiencing physical ailments or debilitating pain, or they're in the hospital for something or whatever will always tell you, don't take your health for granted. Don't take the things that you can do every day, the air in your lungs.

If you're able to walk all these things, don't take those things for granted. Absolutely. And I was just realizing how much I took for granted when it came to my mental health, like the ability to have mental energy, the ability to focus for hours on end or the ability to start doing something in my kitchen and finish it, like, start Loading the dishwasher and finish it instead of being like, oh, look, a dish and then put it away and then see something across the room and be like, oh, yeah.

I wanted to put that in a box and then be like, oh, that box could go on storage and then putting it in storage and being like, oh, there's another box in here that I wanted to take to the Goodwill and then literally getting in the car and going to the Goodwill and then donating that box and then being like, Maybe I want to go into the Goodwill for 15 minutes, buying something, coming back and then never finishing unloading the dishwasher. I'm telling you, I had no idea just how much I miss being able to access my brain, but at the same time, I'm also having trouble, like, reevaluating or even remembering what I was like before.

Like, was there before? Have I always been like this? Have I always had trouble focusing, like, kind of looking back at, you know, I was always able to mask a lot of things and push through and do things outside of my comfort zone because of perfectionist tendencies and because just out of survival. But I'm not able to really know because I wasn't evaluated or diagnosed as a kid. I mean, 90s kid here.

Your mental health was like, not a thing. I don't think my parents had any awareness about much of anything. I know for a while. My parents definitely looking when I was older, my parents were like, yeah, we're pretty sure you had Obsessive compulsive disorder as a child, but we had no idea what to do with you. No one knew what to do about that.

Like, your teachers, no one, like, really weird things where I remember being little and weird things. Like, I would want everyone to walk through a doorway when we were leaving the room before me. And if that didn't happen, I would like, freak out. Or I remember lots of sensory issues. I hated the seams on my socks so much that my poor mother would go and have to cut the seam around the edge of my foot so I barely couldn't feel it.

And then, of course, every now and then a hole would appear, and then I get even more upset. And there was just all these sensory things growing up. And I also remember needing to pile on, like, I would steal all of our sleeping bags. Like we had all of our sleeping bags as a family for camping. I would steal them and put them all on my bed at night, like, cover myself in blankets and surround myself with stuffed animals.

And I remember my dad just think he was really cute. But looking back, I'm like, Man, what wonders a weighted blanket would have done for me at a young age. Right? And just all these different things. I'm sharing this because I think a lot of us are having this kind of wake up call, or we're starting to really realize the spectrum of mental health, the spectrum of sensory issues, neuro divergence all these different things.

Right. And again, I'm still learning. So my phrasing of these terms is not necessarily PC, but we're all starting to kind of wake up to this. I think TikTok has played into that a little bit. But also, I think when we were all home, we had time to think about all this stuff.

So anyway, that's what's been on my mind. It's like, oh, and I actually find all of these realizations actually more comforting than, like, disturbing. Like, I don't feel like, oh, no. I have something wrong with me. When I found out that I do in fact, have PTSD, it was actually very relieving.

It was like, oh, my gosh. Finally, I have an answer. Now there's some solutions. Now I can look for solutions, right? Like, it'd be like, if you were limping around all the time and then somebody was finally, like, you have a broken ankle and you need a cast or you need a brace or whatever.

What are you doing? You can't just be walking around on that thing. You'd be like, oh, shit. That makes sense. That makes sense.

Why I'm in so much pain. That makes sense. Why my mobility is messed up. That's how I feel knowing this. And I feel like there's so much more ahead of me in terms of what else is going on.

What else? Maybe was going on with me and just to know that is important. And I think that there's many, many things that many people experience. And I know a lot of people feel frustrated, like everyone just wants to think that they're special. But that's not the case, because when you're experiencing all these kind of things and you're trying to make it in the normal, quote, unquote society and you're just struggling.

And when you realize that like, oh, wow. Sensory things or fidget toys or any of these other things can really incredibly help you or just make a huge difference in terms of being able to self soothe or calm yourself or get things done. That's freaking amazing. It's eye opening. There's just so much I'm learning.

And so here we are at the near end of this podcast episode, and I said I had no structure and no idea where this would go. But it sounds like what I really needed to talk about today and share with you on this week's episode is a little bit more about my mental health and a little bit more about how I think it's so important that we all take time to evaluate what we need. What are those things we need? How are we maybe different or the same as other people?

How are we maybe classified or defined in certain ways, not in a limiting way, but maybe there's more resources available to us way once we have these definitions and these descriptions of what we're experiencing.

And so that's been really helpful. So if you're one of those people that have wondered why you are the way you are and you've been experiencing any of these things or any of these things I shared with you. You're like, oh, I totally do that, too. I would love to hear about it. I would love to hear about it.

The other thing I've really been noticing, too, is that I have to have stuff, like, visible, because if I don't see things, they just completely disappear. I'm laughing about this because for years, I wanted a bread bin, like a fancy bread box. I've just been seeing them, like at Michaels or on Pinterest. And I was like, oh, that'd be so cute to have that on our counter. And so I bought one.

And at the time, we had some special bread that I love to use for Avocado toast. We had a couple of hot dog buns. My husband loves those smart dogs. So I'm always buying hot dog buns, and we had that. And I think we had, like, English muffins, right?

And so I threw them all into this bread bin and it was on our counter. But inside this bread box and I literally forgot about them. It was like they disappeared. And I remember even at one point thinking, like, I thought we had bread. I thought we bought bread.

I thought, didn't we have bread, but not thinking to open the BreadBot, it just completely disappeared. And, like, I don't know, two and a half weeks later, I was like, oh my gosh, we have a bread box. It's right in front of me on the counter and they open it up and everything's moldy, of course. And I'm not saying this to say that I'm special or that this is a trait specific to someone experiencing trauma or mental illness or anything like that. I think anyone can experience these things.

But the rate in which these things happen, especially lately, it's been just a mind experience, just understanding all of this about myself. So with that being said, this is just a random episode I just wanted to share. I hope you're having a good week. I hope you're taking time for your own mental health. I know it's really a struggle.

I mean, it's taken me years to find the right kind of therapy and counseling that I need, especially with moving all the time. And then just finally finding something that will take insurance online with telehealth, all that kind of stuff. It's hard. It's really hard. It's not just as easy as snapping your fingers and getting the support you need.

There have been years where I have had experiences with therapists that have re traumatized me and made things worse. So I get it if you're in that place and you're struggling, just know that it's not your fault that you're not finding the support you need. It's a struggle, and it can be hard. And it only proves that there's so many things systemically and otherwise that we need to improve so that this stuff gets easier for all of us to manage. But anyway, I hope you have a good week ahead.

I am working on some new podcast episodes, excited to dive more into productivity and really start nerding out this year about, like, planning and Todo list and monthly planning and quarterly planning and really start breaking those things down as we lead into the launch of my new program, Pretty Productive Life, which I'm just so psyched about. It's going to be so much fun to structure things together in a community and use notion templates and all that good stuff. So I hope you're having a good week. Hope you're breathing in, breathing deep, and I will see you back here next Monday, right here on the podcast.

Take care.